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Mark & Dave: Today's special: Dr. Walmart in Aisle 2

After all the protests, the new Walmart in Sherwood quietly opened to favorable reviews from those who like low prices. Meanwhile, Walmart is testing primary-care facilities at six of its stores in Texas. You read correctly, someday you may have to hit up Walmart to turn your head and cough.

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A 14-year-old boy went undetected for four days, living inside a Texas Walmart. A trail of trash led to his discovery. By time the boy was found, he already was marked down 30 percent.

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The Sellwood Bridge could be yours, if the price is right. Multnomah County is required, by the federal government, to try and sell the old bridge. A few rules you need to know: You can’t use it for scrap, and if you cut it up, you face a heavy fine if any of the lead-based paint falls into the Willamette River. Same rules apply to the county if they remove the bridge. Finally, a local government understands how unyielding another government can be. Here’s Mark and Dave solution: Buy the bridge and throw in Wapato jail for free — a nice gift with purchase.

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There’s more than one way for the salmon to get over the dam. How about a water cannon? That’s right, the crazy guys at Whooshh Innovations have invented a “salmon cannon” which shoots returning salmon upriver as much as 200 feet. Fish voluntarily swim into the cannon before launching. Let’s get these guys to do the same thing for cars across the Columbia.

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No wading in the fountain. The powers-that-be think the cliffs and dropoffs make the Keller Fountains too dangerous for wading. Families and kids have been playing in the fountain for years, and now it’s too risky? So, park rangers will begin enforcing the new rules. We say just post a sign that the water is from the Willamette River and no one will touch it.

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Want to win a bar bet? Here’s the riddle: Which state has the most pot smokers? Not the obvious answer, Washington, or even Colorado, both of whom legalized recreational marijuana. So you’d think California or New York? Nope, Its Oregon. Which explains all of our crazy ballot measures.

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Upon hearing that the demolitions could increase dramatically, Mayor Charlie Hales is promising to review policies in an effort to save historic homes in Portland. That’s all well and good, but if no one wants to actually live in those houses, what’s the point of saving them?

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Watch out, Mayor Hales. Duke the dog was elected the new mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota. At least a dog would be fair about a street fee — not sure about fire hydrant tax.

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Microsoft zillionaire Bill Gates and family wrapped up their summer vacation aboard a rented yacht for which he paid $5 million a week. That’s a mere $714,000 a day, or $29,000 per hour ... or round it out to $500 per minute. Closest we’ve come close to a vacation that expensive with two days at Disneyland.

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The Trail Blazers pitched the NBA for the 2017 All-Star game right here in the Rose City. We are curious what excuse the NBA will roll out this time. Better not be lack of central hotel rooms — our rail and street car system easily compensates for that. Too many strip clubs? That should get us the game in and of itself. Too many potholes? OK, you got us on that one.

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The end is near. Los Angeles is contemplating cash prizes for people who vote. Sure you should vote out of a sense of civic duty and pride. On the other hand, it would be nice to get some of those Koch brother payouts.

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The news of Robin Williams’ death hit the comedy clan hard last week. To a person, every comic we invited on the show declined, saying “I don’t want to cry on the radio.” RIP R.W., and thanks for the laughs.

Listen to Mark and Dave 3 to 6 p.m. weekdays on AM 860 KPAM. Follow them at www.facebook.com/themarkanddaveshow.