On further consideration, says former pro wrestling star Billy Jack Haynes, that brass-knuckle beating he received last month at a car lot out on Foster Road may in fact be related to a misunderstanding between himself and a prominent local drug dealer. É Seems that many years ago Ñ well beyond the statute of limitations Ñ Billy Jack was retained to deliver large quantities of Oregon weed to Mexican mafia contacts in L.A. É The deal was that Billy would collect the money and keep 10 percent for himself. É Well, one time, says Billy, he figured he was entitled to a little more for all this trouble, so he kept 20. Yes, that might do it.

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OK, let's see what we're going to tear up next. Chinatown is already a mess, and has been for months. When is that going to be finished? Then they want to tear up Burnside and Couch Ñ turn them into paired one-way streets. That should be fun. É And, of course, there's the transit mall Ñ which, if TriMet gets its way, will be ass over teacup for at least the next two years. É If the City Council thinks the peasants are grumpy now, wait till they let that one go through. É Dial up the comment line for Fox 12, and you'll get a pleasant voice thanking you for your call. 'Please note,' adds the voice, 'that our voice-mail system records caller ID information, and for the safety and security of our personnel we may report threatening calls to the proper authorities.' Does that means Bill O'Reilly will come knocking on your door? É Don't know if Voodoo Doughnut maker Tres Shannon has a realistic shot at getting himself elected to the City Council, but I like his style. Tres, who plans to wear a powdered wig to debate opponents, says the OHSU tram is obviously great, but we shouldn't stop there. É The way Tres sees it, we should build a tram ring around the city, connecting other points of scenic beauty. 'Might be a little expensive,' he says, 'but it sure oughta bring the tourists in.' É 'I guess we knew it would come down to this,' says PR maven Tiger Branch, who swears he saw a guy standing by the roadside where 99W joins 217, holding a cardboard sign: Running for Office Need $5,000 Please Help Bless You. And no, says Tiger, the guy didn't look like a politician Ñ at least anyone you might recognize right off the top.

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So Metro Auditor Alexis Dow is pushing the envelope a bit, is she? É As reported by Nick Budnick in Friday's Tribune, she's accused of holding a second job, not showing up for work when she should and playing fast and loose with her expense account. É Dow, as one might hope, denies anything untoward, but there's a lot of tut-tutting from former City Auditors Barbara Clark and Jewel Lansing, as well as current officeholder Gary Blackmer. É Certainly not like the good old days (just before Lansing) when City Auditor George Yerkovich's prime responsibility was arranging female companionship for visiting dignitaries, usually through bar owner Billy Moe. É Back in 1979 when Billy was busted for promoting prostitution at Sam's Hideaway, it was all the prosecutor's office could do to keep Yerkovich's name from surfacing in the trial. É Guess that's why they call 'em the good old days.

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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