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People who can't 'adjust' their bodies can adjust their scales as a starter to a whole new body

It's getting monotonous. Absolutely monotonous! You can't pick up a magazine without facing a "How to lose weight" article, each piece packed with endless exercises to do, calories to count, diets to follow.…

I don't know about you, but my waistline retains evidence of all those cooling root beer floats I downed during days of record heat, goodies snacked on while waiting for the eclipse, pizzas delivered when "it's too hot to cook!"

Such eating sins came to mind during a recent routine trip to the doctor's office when his nurse said, "First, let's see what we weigh."

(Don't you just hate that "we" stuff? Then the nurse invariably weighs you with all your clothes on, followed by making you wait with them all off except for a skimpy paper thing that you swear has all its edges stapled together.)

After all, when you're in the doctor's office, everyone knows that what a doctor's scale says is set in cement and forever engraved on your chart. And that doctors' scales always – always – say you more than anybody else's.

But I digress.… I promised in my headline above how one can lose weight instantly. There are several fool-proof ways:

My neighbor pointed out this ingenious ploy: "My bathroom scale has this little button here on top. If I turn it to the left a bit, it'll subtract pounds - see?" Of course I took her up on her offer when she added: "Here, I'll do it for you."

(I liked her reasoning: "If I - not you - turn the button on my own scale, that's not cheating. Just do the same for me with yours!")

2) Here's another way to lose weight instantly: Get a kilogram scale. Then, for example, 125 pounds in kilos is about 55. Wow! I've not "weighed" 55 since second grade.

The first time I was ever weighed in kilos was when Lawrence and I made a mission trip to Papua New Guinea (that three-worded island, "PNG," right above Australia]. Before boarding a tiny three-passenger plane to get us into the country's interior, each of us - and our suitcase plus other gear needed for a two-month stay - were weighed together. On my turn and even with all my extra baggage, the big "clock-faced" scale's needle pointed to a mere 70.

The price I was charged for my 90-minute flight over 15,000-foot-high ridges to the destination was calculated by the number of air miles traveled, multiplied by my 70-kilo weight, divided by the number of passengers.

(That wasn't our most unusual flight. On another, our companions were a half-dozen native goats and a pig that got loose during the trip. On yet another, we faced a sign informing us that if we carried drugs, or other such stuff, we faced immediate demise! Plenty sobering! And grist for a future piece!)

But, I digress.… back to those magazines with headlines indicating how to lose weight via diets, exercise, calorie-counting and other ploys.… You want to lose weight? I'll tell you another simple way.

3) Find another scale. Plus, there's always that other out: turning the little button on the top edge of your bathroom scale.

©2017 Isabel Torrey, who is a long-time columnist and lives in King City.

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