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Few things are universal in West Linn, but a love for the police blotter might be one of them.

Twenty-four hours, seven days a week, staff at the police department field all sorts of serious calls — from car accidents to burglaries, assaults and drug crimes.

In between, officers also respond to bizarre — at times downright zany — claims and requests. The following is a look at the lighter side of crime in the city.

Information for the public safety column comes from the public records of the West Linn Police Department.

January

1/1 2:16 p.m. A man said his girlfriend's brother showed up and was not supposed to be around. At the same time, another caller said he was visiting his sister and her boyfriend chased him with a baseball bat.

1/3 5:05 p.m. A man said someone came on his property and started working without permission.

1/4 2:01 p.m. A dumbbell set was reported stolen from a fitness center near the 6300 block of White Tail Drive.

1/5 3:05 p.m. A caller was suspicious after someone came to her door near the 3500 block of Cherokee Court and asked to be her new financial officer, then asked to come inside and look through her records.

1/7 1:55 p.m. A bong was seen near a mailbox near the 22400 block of Skyview Drive.

1/7 7:56 p.m. An employee said someone kept prank calling Subway.

1/12 4:23 p.m. Two men were fighting over dog behavior near the 19900 block of Willamette Drive.

1/16 3:57 p.m. A caller believed she had counterfeit money, but the bills were actually just old.

1/17 4:49 p.m. A possibly rabid raccoon was seen near the 2700 block of Ridge Lane.

1/19 4:21 p.m. A caller wished to speak with an officer after she accidentally opened a letter addressed to her daughter-in-law, which made her upset.

1/19 9:59 p.m. A woman wished to discuss her son's father's parenting skills.

1/22 4:12 p.m. A caller said someone put feces in her car near Furlong Court and Furlong Drive.

1/26 8:36 a.m. A caller said her daughter was upset with her.

1/27 12:26 a.m. A caller said his friend took mushrooms and "is not doing well." The person was transported to a hospital.

1/28 9:27 p.m. A possible domestic disturbance was actually people playing basketball at a school near Cheyenne Terrace and Club House Drive.

February

2/3 7:33 p.m. A woman said she heard a strange conversation at the library.

2/6 6:48 p.m. A woman wished to speak with an officer about her son refusing to go to school for the past week.

2/8 5:27 p.m. A caller said kids were building a fort on a path and smoking marijuana.

2/15 7:37 a.m. An abandoned washing machine was found near 5th Avenue and 8th Street.

2/19 3:31 p.m. Kids threw shoes on a roof near the 22200 block of Salamo Road.

2/20 9:50 p.m. A caller was concerned after an unknown person knocked on her door, but realized it was a neighbor and cancelled the call.

2/21 1:01 p.m. A caller was concerned about "yelling and banging" coming from an apartment. It was a mom telling her kids to quit playing in the snow and to come inside.

2/22 5:15 p.m. A caller said someone threw a snowball at her vehicle and yelled at her near the 2100 block of Valley Court.

2/24 12:32 p.m. A man was offering "honeybird poop" candy to girls near the 19100 block of Willamette Drive. When contacted by police, he said he didn't know this was wrong.

2/27 11:04 a.m. A caller was concerned about a squirrel that was acting strangely.

March

3/1 8:53 p.m. A caller said carpet cleaners at the library were being loud.

April

4/13 12:07 p.m. A caller said an employee at a property management company stole her puppy.

4/15 6:12 p.m. A caller said his dog was "freaking out" and he heard bumps upstairs.

4/17 10:45 p.m. A caller was upset about carpet being installed upstairs.

4/19 4:05 p.m. A man was refusing to leave a car wash because he felt his car wasn't clean.

4/20 2:20 p.m. A caller said his dad's roommate told him that his dad was "bouncing off the walls" like he was on mushrooms, but that he hadn't done mushrooms and was now laying down in his bedroom.

4/20 4:14 p.m. A man said his neighbor put up a sign that said "25 mph dumbass" near the 1200 block of Dollar Street and he was very upset because "it's a family neighborhood."

4/24 1:19 p.m. A suspicious looking person with no shirt on was doing karate moves and gesturing at people near the 1500 block of Lewis Street.

4/24 1:42 p.m. A "very short" goat with a pot belly was found near 4th Street and 5th Avenue.

May

5/2 12:57 p.m. A man who appeared to only be wearing underwear was waving his arms around near the 3500 block of Willamette Falls Drive.

5/2 6:05 p.m. A man said he gave money to a friend, thinking it was for a fundraiser, but then he heard it was to pay the person's rent.

5/8 6:58 a.m. A caller said she'd been smelling a "very large" dead skunk for four days.

5/8 5:30 p.m. A caller said the woman living in a garage across the street was using the space as a "porn room."

5/12 3:28 p.m. A caller said he found his brother using his computer mouse, and when he tried to get it his brother hit him.

5/12 11:25 p.m. A resident was concerned about a man coming towards her with a "wheelbarrow full of stuff" near the 1100 block of 12th Street.

5/13 6:12 p.m. A man claimed elder abuse because his wife wouldn't make him dinner. The wife told police she was making dinner, and that her husband was upset because he drank alcohol while on narcotics from surgery.

5/15 11:19 a.m. A box of cat food was stolen near the 6300 block of Caufield Street.

5/16 3:29 p.m. A caller said she was being pestered by door-to-door salesmen and that a "foreign colony" was leaving notes on her car about wanting to buy it.

5/21 5:51 p.m. A caller said two teens were being "very intimate" in a car near Rose Way and Fairview Way.

5/23 6:30 p.m. A caller found marijuana in her home.

5/29 8:36 a.m. A caller wanted to know if it was illegal to drive with a cast on his right foot.

June

6/5 4:49 p.m. A caller wished to report an ongoing problem with a "terrible smell" from the garbage near the 5600 block of Hood Street.

6/5 6:04 p.m. A caller said she was hit by an electric wheelchair driven by another shopper and wanted to file a police report because she believed the store was responsible.

6/8 8:08 a.m. A caller said there was "evidence of human waste" near Sunset Avenue and Alder Court.

6/11 6:16 p.m. A caller said a dog was in her backyard and "challenging" her near the 3400 block of Chelan Drive.

6/13 4:49 p.m. Kids were throwing shaken soda bottles onto a playground near the 3100 block of Parker Road.

6/15 11:06 p.m. A caller said a drunk woman was throwing food at a window and driving around near the 18800 block of Willamette Drive.

6/17 4:32 p.m. Someone was causing a scene over how to pay for his gas near the 22300 block of Willamette Drive. When told that the police were being called, the man said he wanted them to come.

6/19 6:49 p.m. A caller said a driver was blocking him in because she'd just been served papers and was angry.

6/24 8:41 p.m. A caller said a group of girls yelled at her and threw chicken and potatoes at her when she refused to let them in a pool near the 22100 block of Horizon Drive.

6/27 8:15 a.m. A caller said her daughter needed help changing a tire.

July

7/1 6:33 p.m. A caller said someone threw "some kind of chemical" over a fence and made everything sticky near her garage rental.

7/4 9:42 a.m. A caller said she loaned her phone to a caregiver but the caregiver quit and took the phone.

7/4 8:02 p.m. A caller was concerned about fireworks hitting an eagle's nest.

7/5 11:30 a.m. Someone wished to complain about a rooster in the neighborhood near the 1200 block of 12th Street.

7/12 10:16 a.m. A caller wondered if garbage service was required in West Linn, as her neighbor was burning hers.

7/14 11:38 a.m. A caller said a neighbor ran an extension cord down the street and was vacuuming his car in front of her house near the 4100 block of Imperial Drive.

7/17 2:14 p.m. A suspicious looking vehicle had all of its windows down and was surrounded by hamburger buns and whipped cream cans on the ground.

7/21 8:24 p.m. A caller said someone was throwing nicotine gum at the Old Time Fair parade.

7/23 4:57 p.m. People seemed to be camping in an RV near Troy Court and Tamarisk Drive, and residents had seen naked people through the windows.

7/23 7:56 p.m. A caller said his neighbor was "ranting and raving" in his yard, saying "I'm gonna break your arms and legs." This had been an issue for 2 years.

7/24 10:02 a.m. A lunchbox, Thermos and backpack were sitting on a corner near Santa Anita Drive and Club House Drive.

7/27 4:26 p.m. A caller wished to learn more about motorcycle laws, feeling that the vehicles were too loud.

August

8/3 5:38 p.m. Two "very large" people were smoking in a green space near Bland Circle and Salamo Road, and looked "out of place."

8/6 10:50 a.m. "A lot" of used condoms were found in a parking lot near the 20300 block of Willamette Drive.

8/7 6:30 a.m. A caller said her son hurt her emotionally.

8/7 4:03 p.m. A caller was upset because she kept getting stuck behind delivery vans.

8/11 9:44 p.m. A man said his girlfriend was drunk and kicked him in the crotch after being refused service at B.J. Willy's.

8/19 9:22 p.m. Kids were seen "chugging beer" near a play structure around the 3400 block of Parker Road.

8/20 3:40 p.m. A couple was "being a little too PG-13" near the 1700 block of Carriage Way.

8/22 2:40 p.m. A caller was concerned about the well-being of three dogs who were being walked near the 800 block of Alicia Court, believing it was too hot for them.

8/29 10:52 a.m. A caller was scratched by a "big hairy dog" near the 19300 block of Robin Circle.

8/29 12:48 p.m. A raccoon was limping in a person's backyard near the 2000 block of Sunray Circle and the caller was concerned.

September

9/15 8:04 p.m. A caller said a man had been "peeing, yelling and screaming at people who weren't there" since 4:30 near the 22800 block of Willamette Drive.

9/18 12:17 p.m. A caller said she was followed by a drone from a baseball field back to her home near the 1500 block of Lewis Street.

9/18 2:08 p.m. A man had been standing and staring at a plant for more than 15 minutes near the 1500 block of Rosemarie Drive.

9/23 10:35 a.m. A caller said he received notice from a landlord that they were going to inspect his apartment and he didn't want them to.

9/25 11:22 a.m. A suspicious looking man was seen wearing a white bathrobe and carrying a sword near Sunset Avenue and Walnut Street.

9/25 4:48 p.m. A resident suspected fraud when she applied for a job and was sent a check in the mail.

October

10/1 8:10 a.m. A caller said a cab driver took her somewhere she didn't want to go and she believed he was trying to increase her fare.

10/2 5:59 p.m. A caller said a neighbor was shooting arrows in their backyard.

10/5 6:34 p.m. A caller in the 2000 block of Hidden Springs Court reported a loud "woo woo" noise coming from the direction of the fire station.

10/17 8:01 p.m. A resident believed he had patient evaluations stolen from his home office, but called back after he found the charts in his house.

10/23 5:46 p.m. A man said his ex-girlfriend had moved out, but kept coming back in his home and leaving a mess while eating his food.

10/23 5:51 p.m. A caller was concerned after coming home and finding the front door unlocked and hearing a "rumbling" in the house. It turned out that a Roomba vacuum was running in a small bathroom with the door closed, and it was bumping into the walls.

10/31 2:28 p.m. A disgruntled employee was walking back and forth, banging cones and saying he would "mess stuff up" because he hadn't received his final check. It was a misunderstanding, as the boss was on the way with the check.

November

11/13 11:13 a.m. A caller said she lost her phone, and as she tracked it on "Find My Phone" it seemed to be moving in her house. She was at work and no one was supposed to be home; it turned out she'd left it plugged in at home.

11/17 11:08 p.m. A man was seen hiding in bushes near the 2900 block of Arbor Drive. When discovered, he ran and hid in other bushes.

11/24 12:55 a.m. Two men without shirts were yelling at each other near the 1700 block of Blankenship Road.

11/30 9:03 a.m. A "large pig or human kidney" was found near the 19900 block of Willamette Drive. A physician determined the organ was not human.

December

12/1 5:25 p.m. A caller was concerned after a teenager in a reflective vest came to his door, bent over and then left with others wearing the same vests. They were Boy Scouts advertising for a tree disposal program.

12/3 2:04 p.m. An elderly woman had a bird in her house that she couldn't shoo out, despite leaving her front door open. The bird flew out as an officer arrived.

12/5 9:01 a.m. "Lots of dog poop" was reported at a park near the 1100 block of 12th Street, and kids were stepping in it.

12/1 5:25 p.m. A caller was concerned after a teenager in a reflective vest came to his door, bent over and then left with others wearing the same vests. They were Boy Scouts advertising for a tree disposal program.


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